featured, lincoln, music, nightlife

Local Man Struck by Existential Angst Mid Duffy’s Fishbowl

What started out as a fun night out with friends turned tragic Monday night, when local man Bryce Cartwright realized the pointlessness of his existence in the middle of drinking a Duffy’s fishbowl.

Cartwright and a group of friends got together to celebrate their rare Monday evening off of work. Cartwright’s best friend, Daniel Morton, thought a Duffy’s fishbowl would be a fun way to binge drink. Morton spent $35 and ordered what is called a “Mexican Standoff,” which proved to be a mixture of tequila, orange juice, sprite, and grenadine.

A fishbowl favorite at Duffy’s Tavern | 1412 O St, Lincoln, NE

As Cartwright and his 6 friends tried to drink the ice cold sugar water as quickly as possible, Cartwright was struck with the idea of how small and insignificant his life was. Pausing to catch his breath, the concept of eternity took over his consciousness and he realized that nothing he did really mattered in comparison.

His friends encouraged him to keep drinking through his 3 foot fluorescent pink straw, but Cartwright was unable to, as he was consumed by the notion that time and the universe are infinite and unending. The complex ideas that Cartwright had never even considered before suddenly made perfect sense and overwhelmed his senses, forcing him to stop drinking the gigantic bowl of iced tequila.

Morton jolted Cartwright back to reality by calling him a “pussy,” and demanding he keep drinking until it was gone. Cartwright reportedly mumbled something about “existence is pain,” and walked out the front door. At the time of this writing Cartwright was unaccounted for, but family members believe that he is hiking somewhere to try to “find himself.”

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