Smell Nebraska’s exclusive coverage of the 90th (wow!) Oscars award show is finally upon us. I couldn’t wait to see all of the beautiful celebrities, backstage gossip, and dramatic upsets! Let’s just hope they don’t totally screw it up like last year, am I right?
I had my People Magazine and popcorn ready to go by 6:40pm, as the award show started promptly at 7 o’clock central standard time. I don’t really care about the red carpet show, so I sat down as my mother was finishing an episode of the new reboot of “Queer Eye” on Netflix.
Thirty five minutes later, I am embracing my bawling mother while simultaneously wiping tears from my own eyes as we watch AJ come out to his widowed Latina stepmother. Much like Tan, Antoni, Jonathan, Bobby, and Karamo, our blurry eyes are fixated on the screen as AJ wows his friends with his newly remodeled apartment and delicious arepas.
My mom needed a pick-me-up before the next episode so I poured her a glass of her boxed wine and filled up my 64 ounce mountain dew thermos with some of the Merlot as well. Time to bond with my mother over some Oscars!
The next episode of “Queer Eye” was up and down, as the subject, Bobby, was nothing more than a simple Christian father of six who worked two jobs. Of course he didn’t have time to worry about his fashion choices or skin health. My mother suggested we would take a sip of wine every time one of the “Queer Eyes” said something incredibly thoughtful or positive to Bobby.
Jonathan convinced Bobby to nix the beard entirely. I remember that, but things got incredibly foggy around the same time. The Franzia didn’t taste horrible, but I had sure drank a whole lot of it. I decided to rest my eyes on the arm of the couch while the episode wrapped up so I would be alert and ready to see Daniel Day-Lewis snatch the best actor award.
I woke up on the couch at 3 A.M. to my mother watching “The Wolfman” on SyFy Channel. I came to just in time to see the chick from “The Devil Wears Prada” blast the wolfman in the heart. Spoiler Alert! That’s all I know. Got a big day of adulting to do tomorrow. Congrats to all of the Academy Award winners!