Lincoln NE (SN) – Thomas Cardwell, a 48 year-old carpenter, has officially won the 2018 Cub Scout Pack 32 Pinewood Derby. Held in the basement of St. Peter’s Catholic Church, located at 4500 Duxhall Drive, the Pinewood Derby is a race of hand made wooden cars. Cardwell beat out 26 other dads for the title of champion.
“This is a great win. This might be the happiest day of my life!” says Cardwell. “I’ve been coming up short the last couple years and I finally won it all this year. I did it!”
Second place went to Brian Dunwoodie, a 44 year-old bank manager. He took the loss pretty tough. “This is fucking bullshit. Cardwell is a carpenter for Christ’s sake. He has a whole wood shop of tools at his disposal. What do I have? A piece of shit jigsaw my wife and kids got me for Christmas. That’s it. I made my car with my own two hands, not with some high tech cross-cut saws and belt sanders.”
Cardwell will advance to the all city Pinewood Derby, where he will square off with the best of the best car building dads in town. “Can’t wait. This really means a lot to me.”
Dunwoodie was skeptical of Cardwell’s chances of winning moving forward. “He’s going to get his ass handed to him at the all-city derby. Those guys don’t fuck around. Cardwell may know how to make a decent car, but what he doesn’t know is that I’m sleeping with his wife. Who is the real winner here?”
Cardwell’s 9 year-old son could not be reached for comment, as he was outside playing with the other cub scouts.