Lincoln Exposed 2018 Complete Coverage: Saturday Night

Live From Lincoln It’s Saturday Night! Technically it’s Saturday morning, but Saturday night was shaping up to be a great night of local music. All the main venues were in play and a bonus Bourbon main stage to boot. I was really looking forward to getting out of the hospital and checking out Jack Hotel, Mesonjixx. A Ferocious Jungle Cat, Laughing Falcon, Halfwit, and Hammerclaw.

Luckily, Saturday morning I was feeling much better after my food poisoning/concussion scare. The doctor said I could go home if I promised to stay home and not go out. No way I’m missing Lincoln Exposed tonight. Not gonna happen doc! I got my pain meds and got the hell out of there.

I made it home safe and sound, but it turns out it was my uncle’s 58th birthday and my family was going out to celebrate. Since I got fired yesterday for missing work again, I was free to go. I didn’t feel that great but I could at least walk without shitting my pants. Major improvement.

The Bahama Mama: Just $1 at your neighborhood Applebee’s® for a limited time only.

Since it was my uncle’s birthday we let him chose where to eat. He picked Applebee’s! Yes! I ordered a basket of chicken tenders since that wouldn’t upset my stomach. Turns out they have $1 Bahama Mamas all through February. Sign me up! After the day I had I could use a little pick me up. Those babies sure did the trick. After two of them I was feeling like a million bucks. I started quoting my favorite movie “The Wolf of Wall Street, “You’re gonna bring us two Bahama Mamas. You know how I like them, straight up. And then precisely seven and one half minutes after that, you’re gonna bring us two more. Then two more after that every five minutes until one of us passes the fuck out.”

Well, the waitress refused to bring us that many but I did end up drinking 3 or 4. Hell of a deal. As we left I was feeling pretty good so I offered to drive back home. I forgot that I hadn’t renewed my license plates from December, and that caught the attention of John Law. I got pulled over and the officer made me get out and do a sobriety test. At that point I guess the Bahama Mamas had mixed with my pain meds and, according to the dash cam, I was not speaking very clearly. As the officer was reading me my rights, I continued to quote “The Wolf of Wall Street.” “Let me give you some legal advice. Shut the fuck up!” “I’m never eating Applebee’s again, I don’t care who’s birthday it is!” and “Sweetheart, you have my money taped to your tits. Technically, you do work for me.” The officer was unimpressed with my delivery and I spent the rest of the night in detox, totally missing out on Blowing Chunks, the band. In real life I was blowing chunks for about 10 hours until Sunday afternoon when I was finally released under my mother’s care.

I’m sure Lincoln Exposed was great and went off without a hitch. Looking forward to Lincoln Exposed 2019!

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