UNL Administration Embarrasses White Nationalist Student Daniel Kleve, Delivers Him a Sack Lunch

Lincoln NE (SN) – A University of Nebraska Lincoln administrator embarrassed one of their own scholars Monday when they realized the student left for the day without the lunch the employee had packed for him.

White Nationalist and bio chemistry major Daniel J. Kleve was attempting to hold a presentation in the student union promoting Nazism as “the world’s only hope” when he was thoroughly humiliated by the overprotective University staff.

The employee, who asked to remain anonymous because they didn’t want to be known as a sympathizer to the “Vanguard America” Nazism group in which the student belongs to, claimed they were only concerned of the safety and the wellbeing of the UNL Junior.

“Student Affairs is simply looking out for the rights and security of our entire campus and Kleve gets incredibly angry when he is hungry.” The employee told reporters. “We’ve decided that the best way to handle a dickface Nazi kid at our University is by being really, really, nice to him.”

“I didn’t want to embarrass him in front of his little friends,” they continued, “but I couldn’t imagine him promoting his white power agenda on an empty stomach, either. Okay, and I may have spit in my own hand to fix the part in his hair a bit. He’s just such a special little guy.”

[Clockwise from top] 1. Kleve styling his hair like Claire Underwood from Netflix’s “House of Cards.” 2. Kleve indicating the number of people including himself that have ever pleased him sexually. 3. Kleve looking “very much” fatter in real life than in his profile pics.
Kleve made headlines recently as a photo surfaced of the student beating a counter protester with a flashlight in Charlottesville, VA (while he marched with the same group that killed Heather Heyer.) He recently participated in a 2 and a half hour long Google live stream with other prominent White Nationalist organizers from around the country.

“I want to be violent, trust me, really violent.” Daniel Kleve shouted in a recent YouTube video.

UNL has done nothing so far in response to the violent rhetoric and Nazi propaganda that Kleve has posted all over campus, and have ignored a large outcry from concerned students and alumni to stop protecting the troubled boy.

“Danny loves a ham and Miracle Whip sandwich, with extra Miracle Whip.” the faculty member gushed while smiling at the brown paper bag they are preparing for tomorrow’s lunch. “He threatened to beat up an Asian student last week when I forgot his chocolate pudding, so I just throw two of them in his lunch bag from now on.”

president@nebraska.edu, pbakken@nebraska.edu, and jsutton@nebraska.edu are all available if you would like to correspond with them about your own lunch options!




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