Lincoln NE (SN) – State Senator Anna Wishart greatly pleased her progressive constituents last Thursday when she introduced a constitutional amendment resolution to put the legalization of medical cannabis in the voters hands.
“Tens of thousands of Nebraskans are needlessly suffering because they don’t have access to medical cannabis, including veterans, children and the terminally ill,” Wishart said. “Wow. Saying ‘ill’ out loud made me think about how long it has been since I listened to ‘License to Ill’ by the Beastie Boys… great album… Anyways I’m getting off track here.”
The proposed resolution (LR293CA) would legalize use or consumption of medical cannabis.
Wishart spoke to the legislature about the deep conversations she has shared with constituents regarding the true ‘miracles’ of the plant.
“Nebraskans who find that cannabis eases their pain and suffering should not be forced across state lines or treated like criminals,” she said. “Do you know what it is like to answer to Governor Pete Ricketts every fucking day? Sometimes it feels like I am truly dying inside, having to stare into those lifeless eyes. My throat is so dry, does anybody have a root beer?”
Legalization of at least some forms of medical cannabis have progressed in forty-six states recently, and the State Senator is confident that Nebraska will follow suit.
“They certainly taste like onions, and I have to admit I am absolutely having fun… Goodbye, bag of Funyuns!” she giggled as the Lieutenant Governor reminded her, once again, that her time was up.
“Don’t worry kiddos, we at Smell Nebraska are hip and jiggy with it and will totally vote for SB8973892348 or whatever it is called.” -SN