Lincoln NE (SN) – “Pool is a game of concentration. You don’t see professional golfers having to putt while getting an earful of loud, experimental, progressive, instrumental bass guitar soloing.” chomped Chet Defferson, longtime member of the “Blue Chalk Group” pool league in Lincoln.
We sat down with Chet to talk about his recent complaints, specifically targeting long time ‘bar with a pool table at it,’ Duffy’s Tavern.
“I was playing the game of my life last month.” Defferson shouted, “I had just gotten done accidentally poking this hot girl in the spine with my cue as she was trying to access the ATM that I was totally in the way of. I was ready to win the whole fucking table, when out of nowhere I was distracted by some guitar player from the band up on stage, “Shitty Archive” was their name? I forget.”
It seems the delay pedal infused guitar solo played by Ryan Thomas of “the Machete Archive” broke Chet’s concentration.
“It was too much. Guitars aren’t supposed to sound like that. I scratched. I fucking blew it!” Chet shook his head, “This is exactly why we are going to fill the wall! Fill the wall!” Chet began a chant with a few other pool players from the other side of the room.
The pool shark then went on to answer our most obvious question, why Duffy’s? Why not play at a different bar that has pool tables but no live music?
“The game itself is a bit different at Duffy’s.” Chet nodded his head up and down. “In order to prevent slop playing you have to crack passersby with your cue and stare at them like they are the worst people ever.”
“The points system is totally unique at this bar too!” He added, “You get more points for being completely in the fucking way of people that want to go smoke in the beer garden, and you can shoot from wherever you want on the table if you are currently obstructing someone from accessing the bathrooms.”
Chet continued on to discuss a massive decline in pool competition attendance.
“We like to play pool at bars that are full of babes, and since no one will ever pack a bar to watch me and my bros play cutthroat ever again, we prefer to attend popular local shows and attempt to hold a serious game there while bitching and moaning the entire time.” Chet said, “If that doesn’t create enough of a scene it is common for us to take every pool cue located in the bar and pretend to determine which one is the least warped, by rolling it diagonally on the pool table. Extra points if the stick bounces off the table and strikes a huddle of bachelorettes swallowing a fishbowl.”