Lincoln NE (SN) - In other weather related news, Tuesday's historic low temperatures are resulting in free money from Runza, holding true to their "Temperature Tuesday" tradition. Smell Nebraska sat down with manager Chip Welsch outside of his house as he failed to start his car Tuesday morning. "Runza's traditions run deep, and if we… Continue reading Runza Reportedly Handing $46 Cash to Customers on Tuesday
Lincoln NE (SN) - A legendary resident of Lancaster County that more than dabbles in witchcraft shocked meteorologists Monday when she revealed decades of data proving that Monday's lows were going to be colder than "both of her tits." "...and I'm not even talking about wind chill. I'm talking about the regular number," she told… Continue reading Lincoln Witch Announces Monday’s Lows Colder Than Either of Her Tits Have Ever Been
Lincoln NE (SN) - Just one day after Mayor Leirion Gaylor Baird and the Lincoln-Lancaster County Health Department (LLCHD) moved the COVID-19 Risk Dial to the red, Lincoln concert venue the Royal Grove hosted a sold-out hip hop concert Saturday night, featuring super-spreader dance-offs and rapper Sada Baby. The Detroit artist, who's hometown is also… Continue reading Review: Sada Baby Live at the Royal Grove During the Highest Threat Level of Covid-19
Lincoln NE (SN) - The passing of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg dealt a blow to the United States Friday evening, hoisting Ginsburg's powerhouse career into conversations all over the country. "She is finally dead, huh?" Nebraska Senator Ben Sasse told Smell Nebraska reporters. "Phew! I was beginning to think she was going to… Continue reading Republican Ben Sasse Honors Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Flies Tiny Dick at Half Mast
With the cancellation of college football games for 2020, the Nebraska Football team has secured their first undefeated season since 1997. “This is a win-win for our program,” says head coach Scott Frost. “Not only do we get to go undefeated, but we don’t have to get blown out 48-7 by Ohio State or get… Continue reading Husker Football Secures Their First Undefeated Season Since 1997
Lincoln NE (SN) - Lincoln Police Department and the Lincoln city health department faced a showdown over the weekend with Benjamin Madsen, owner of Madsen's Bowling and Billiards. The drama ensued followed a closure order of the bowling alley after health officials reported "flagrant violations, including staff and customers not wearing face masks," a requirement… Continue reading Owner of Rapiest, Trashiest Bowling Alley in Lincoln Turns Out to Maybe Not Be the Best Dude
Lincoln NE (SN) - Nebraska Senator Ben Sasse gave a graduation commencement speech on Saturday, confirming that even our elected officials are drunk, unhinged, and frankly not interesting at all anymore due to the stress of Covid-19. In eight painful minutes, the Senator thanked China for parent teachers, deemed high school education as unnecessary, and… Continue reading Yeah so Ben Sasse Is Doin’ Okay
Lincoln NE (SN) - Jacob Campbell sure is running for Lincoln’s south-central District 29. We're not really sure who he is, but South Lincoln residents are well aware that he is indeed running. "I wanted to prove to the people of South Lincoln that I have absolutely no environmental record," Campbell said. "So on day… Continue reading Jacob Campbell for Legislature Really Wants You To Know Jacob Campbell is Running for Legislature
Lincoln NE (SN) - With five more COVID-19 cases confirmed in Lancaster county this afternoon, and even Nebraska's pro-death Governor urging for early testing, one fact remains true: You don't have to wear a mask, you pussy. You're being a baby. You're blowing this out of proportion. It is a liberal hoax. Retired mechanic Kirby… Continue reading More People Die Every Year From Your Mom, You Troll Dickweed
Lincoln NE (SN) - Local businesses are doing what they can do to turn a profit during the Coronavirus shutdown. O’Rourke’s Tavern is no different as they are now offering curbside pick-up of their stale-ass popcorn. “If you want a bag of this old popcorn just give us a call,” said bartender Tad Sparkman. “We… Continue reading O’Rourke’s Stale Ass Popcorn Available for Carry Out or Delivery
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