covid-19, education, U.S. History

Yeah so Ben Sasse Is Doin’ Okay

Lincoln NE (SN) - Nebraska Senator Ben Sasse gave a graduation commencement speech on Saturday, confirming that even our elected officials are drunk, unhinged, and frankly not interesting at all anymore due to the stress of Covid-19. In eight painful minutes, the Senator thanked China for parent teachers, deemed high school education as unnecessary, and… Continue reading Yeah so Ben Sasse Is Doin’ Okay

politics, Sniff The Vote, yard signs

Jacob Campbell for Legislature Really Wants You To Know Jacob Campbell is Running for Legislature

Lincoln NE (SN) - Jacob Campbell sure is running for Lincoln’s south-central District 29. We're not really sure who he is, but South Lincoln residents are well aware that he is indeed running. "I wanted to prove to the people of South Lincoln that I have absolutely no environmental record," Campbell said. "So on day… Continue reading Jacob Campbell for Legislature Really Wants You To Know Jacob Campbell is Running for Legislature

caronavirus, covid-19, ok boomer

More People Die Every Year From Your Mom, You Troll Dickweed

Lincoln NE (SN) - With five more COVID-19 cases confirmed in Lancaster county this afternoon, and even Nebraska's pro-death Governor urging for early testing, one fact remains true: You don't have to wear a mask, you pussy. You're being a baby. You're blowing this out of proportion. It is a liberal hoax. Retired mechanic Kirby… Continue reading More People Die Every Year From Your Mom, You Troll Dickweed

caronavirus, covid-19, downtown lincoln

O’Rourke’s Stale Ass Popcorn Available for Carry Out or Delivery

Lincoln NE (SN) - Local businesses are doing what they can do to turn a profit during the Coronavirus shutdown. O’Rourke’s Tavern is no different as they are now offering curbside pick-up of their stale-ass popcorn. “If you want a bag of this old popcorn just give us a call,” said bartender Tad Sparkman. “We… Continue reading O’Rourke’s Stale Ass Popcorn Available for Carry Out or Delivery

covid-19, white people

Smell Nebraska to Host “Grey’s Anatomy Marathon Lock-In”

Lincoln NE (SN) - Smell Nebraska is adored by thousands of incredible human beings, and amidst the chaos that is COVID-19, we are dedicated to doing our part to pay it forward to every one of you. Are you a fan of Grey's Anatomy? If you are, stop. what. you. are. doing. Today is your… Continue reading Smell Nebraska to Host “Grey’s Anatomy Marathon Lock-In”

politics, TGIQuarantined, white people

“Check Your Privilege” Guy Blocks His Last Remaining Facebook Friend

Lincoln NE (SN) - In a planet virtually shut down to prevent the rapid spread of the Caronavirus, every single human sits in uncertainty. Except Marcus Mason, who is absolutely confident that everything will be a-okay, because Elizabeth Warren, who dropped out of the Presidential race on March 5th, will be THE winner of the… Continue reading “Check Your Privilege” Guy Blocks His Last Remaining Facebook Friend

caronavirus, health, public safety

Nebraska Millenials Hopeful Enough Old People Die From Coronavirus so Nebraska Can Move Into the 21st Century

Lincoln NE (SN) - COVID-19 is spreading quickly in the United States, and with those older than 60 at the highest risk, Nebraskan Millenials are daring to ask the question everyone is thinking but doesn't have the guts to ask: Maybe that isn't such a bad thing? "I mean Hillary wouldn't have been the nominee… Continue reading Nebraska Millenials Hopeful Enough Old People Die From Coronavirus so Nebraska Can Move Into the 21st Century

health, public safety

Men’s Room Sink at Duffy’s Tavern Used for the First Time

Lincoln NE (SN) - Reports started to pour in Friday morning that the sink in the men's room at Duffy's Tavern started to function as normally intended. The sink, located on 1412 O Street, had apparently never been turned to the "on" position until that moment, leaving bar staff and patrons baffled. "I didn't even… Continue reading Men’s Room Sink at Duffy’s Tavern Used for the First Time

lincoln exposed, lincoln is a music city

108 “MEH” Bands and 7 Actual Bands Storm Star City

Lincoln NE (SN) - The Lincoln Exposed music festival rocked out it's 15th year over the last week, leaving stunned local music fans asking, "Wait what time is that one actually good band playing? And at what bar?" "Lincoln. Is. A. Music. City" shouted one attendee. "Do you guys wanna go to Sandy's until Freakabout… Continue reading 108 “MEH” Bands and 7 Actual Bands Storm Star City

enjoy your v.d.

Entire Heart Shaped Valentino’s Pizza Not Enough to Fill the Emptiness Inside

Lincoln NE (SN) - Determined to take on another Valentine's Day alone, Michael McDermont, 36, gently nestled a boxed pizza in the shape of a heart onto his beer can cluttered coffee table. "It has become kind of a tradition," McDermont told reporters, "I love being single. Don't have to worry about nothin'." Michael carefully… Continue reading Entire Heart Shaped Valentino’s Pizza Not Enough to Fill the Emptiness Inside